monkey see, monkey do serves as a personal blog and creative outlet for
let it gooooo…
bill had some really interesting points about letting go as an instruction versus leaning into emotion.
this seems to relate to what i’m struggling with or processing right now, perhaps because i’ve dived so deeply into my retreats lately it’s churning things up for me and i’m encountering the edges of my viewpoint often. it’s not that i have a problem with intentional cheerfulness as described, but more that i have a strong sense that the path should be a certain way and it keeps throwing me for a loop. i’ve been pounding against these teachings, trying to view them as either all true or fundamentally flawed, so i could commit or be done with it, and there’s just no answer to that of course. yet it’s driving me crazy.
i guess i developed a very scientific view of things along the way, to treat everything as a theory until i find a counter-example. then repeat. but i never would have read the Bible that way with such a fundamentalist tact. i would read it with an more relaxed view and try to apply good moral ideas to my life or validate my experience with what i was reading. it wouldn’t push my edges so much.
yet it’s harder for some reason with the teachings i’m reading now. i keep focusing in and picking apart every line, every metaphor, every concept. i guess that means i’m holding them really close to my heart, and the risk of an error in judgment or commitment is terrifying me. it’s true the meditation practice has turned everything in my life, so i have tremendous respect for this practice. but i didn’t realize that having it permeate me like this would be so unnerving. i just need to relax a bit, try ‘letting it goooo’ and not worrying so much. i must be bumping up against the walls of my viewpoint often.
If you're new here, thanks for visiting! Please subscribe to my RSS feed and consider visiting my design-related blog and my meditation-related blog.
2. May 2004 at 11:45 pm :
The Buddha said-
Just like examining gold in order to know its quality, you should put my words to the test. A wise person does not accept them merely out of respect.
The four reliances:
Do not rely on individuals, rely on the teachings
Do not rely on the words, rely on the meaning
Do not rely on the adapted meaning, rely on the ultimate meaning
Do not rely on intellectual knowledge, rely on wisdom
You are practicing well. : )
3. May 2004 at 1:23 pm :
wow i’ve been feeling something similar i think. i’ve noticed that i too often fall into a trap/rut of worrying about the right thing to do, right way to be instead of just doing and just being and trusting that what happens will be the right thing. and that self doubt hardens within me a certain critical eye that makes me less of who i want to be with other people.
or did i miss the point completely? oh well, in any event it helped me think about my own things, so thank you.