monkey see, monkey do serves as a personal blog and creative outlet for
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churn churn
i’m pretty sure i approached meditation practice originally because i wanted something to make my life more sane and workable. like going to the gym so i won’t get as winded during my day, the meditation would be so my mind and spirit wouldn’t get winded either.
but what i didn’t bargain for was just how up and down the practice would make me, i feel like i’m processing years and years of crap all at once and some moments are great and others really suck. i hope it’s a form of processing, and i’m just not making myself really raw and exposed for no good reason.
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4 comments to “churn churn”
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26. May 2004 at 1:34 pm :
yeah i thought i could sense you were feeling down. honestly haven’t had the same feelings you’re having, but my thinking about it is that i want to feel things as they are, even if that’s painful, and that’s what i understand meditation to be about. else i may as well become a heroin junkie. hang in there. tea or supper would be good sometime, but about last night, eating in front of someone makes me feel awkward, sorry. hang in there.
26. May 2004 at 3:01 pm :
The problem with meditation is that it solves nothing. Beer, now. That will solve your problems. Try Beer.
27. May 2004 at 12:23 am :
I was sorry I missed meditation last night, but I could not rush around and get to SF. I won’t explain now but you can read my blog entry from last night if you want the short version.
Regarding how your feeling, I know we have talked about this before and there isn’t really much to say but…
this comment spoke to me. “and i’m just not making myself really raw and exposed for no good reason” What reason do we need to be raw, open, exposed, and sensitized to ourselves, our world, and all that is included in it.? Once awake can I really turn my eyes away, would I want to? And it feels really hard sometimes.
“Developing [skillful means] is not so much a matter of overcoming something as it is a matter of gaining extra confidence, total confidence ‘without a reference point.’ (my emphasis). Just fully being skillful involves total lack of inhibition. We are not afraid to be. We are not afraid to live. We must accept ourselves as being warriors. If we acknowledge ourselves as warriors, then there is a way in, because a warrior dares to BE, like a tiger in the jungle.”- CTR
The blue pill or the red pill, Neo? ; )
*heart, heart, and more heart*, C-
30. May 2004 at 8:28 am :
I can’t find my copy of Taking the Path of Zen but in it Robert Aitken tells a story about a student who comes to him with a supreme case of the spiritual blues and says, “Nothing means anything.” Aitken’s reply: “Of course not. Why do you think the masters were laughing all the time?” Go out and play a little. Be well.