marking transitions

i just went to a divorce ceremony tonight for friends mike and karin. i was there for their wedding about seven years ago, and they had another ceremony tonight very much like the wedding. but they said vows of friendship and released each other from their marriage. i have pretty amazing and unusual friends. but you know it was beautiful, really beautiful. and they also shared what was good and not so good about their relationship and what the reasons were that they were getting divorced with the group of about 60 friends that were there.

it was quite a learning experience for all of us to hear the inner workings of their marriage and not-workings and hold them in all of that with love collectively. the most amicable and open and clear break up i’ve ever seen, frankly. they modeled this ceremony after their friends george and jamie who got divorced in a similar way a few years ago. i’m glad i was invited to this ceremony.

there’s something I like about processing the relationship, but then sharing that process with one’s community in an open, honest, and complete way. something beautiful to me about it. and in the case of these friends it seems to be really helpful for folks to all stay in community together when they break up, instead of dividing up one’s sets of friends and bifurcating the community. processing the breakup in some way publicly then involves the community in supporting the new way of relating and creates some sort of group completion for it. designing a ritual around it seems to mark the transition. odd I know, very californian, but i’m really appreciating what my friends are doing around relating and being in community - i’m super proud and inspired and grateful to have them and be part of their lives.

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