perfectionism

i just learned that perfectionism isn’t in the DSM IV. hmm… i definitely think of it as a neurosis and something that can be problematic. i guess when it’s pathologic it’s called perfectionism disorder but that’s listed as a risk factor for OCD. perhaps if you continue on the spectrum to the extreme, you end up with obsessive compulsive disorder? what do you think?

hmm… the description of perfectionism is interesting. it includes symptoms like procrastination (because one doesn’t want to do things unless they’re confident that it can be perfect), self deprecation (managing others expectations around performance), depression, anxiety, and self esteem issues along with workaholism and i’m guessing high achievement. what a shame to be driven to perform to such heights only to be plagued with depression and periods of low performance. i guess it makes sense that it would make you either ‘on’ or ‘off’, more black and white in what one does. some of the citations in wikipedia are about being gifted and its vulnerabilities.

i have definitely felt this way trying to learn the violin as an adult. i have an ear for music, from playing wind instruments as a child. but that means i can keenly hear when the violin is out of tune. which it is *always* out of tune when you’re learning. it’s maddening. and i had to put the instrument down for awhile. i might not pick it up, because i couldn’t stand to hear myself scratch away at it. hmm…

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