corporate communication porn

i tried out a new gardenburger at the local fast food joint. so rare when they support vegetarians like me that i also took the time to send the company an email. what they sent back was pure, corporate porn. i love love this adjective riddled language and hyperbole, like “bursting with wholesome … grains”.

Dear Davee,

Great to hear from you! Thank you so very much for generously taking the time to write in and share your experience with us. We are exceptionally grateful for your feedback and truly consider it a gift because it is vital for us to know how we’re doing and what we can improve on in order to better serve you.

I’m thrilled to hear that you are a fan of our new Oregon Harvest Burger! We love the Oregon Harvest Burger because it’s bursting with wholesome, organic vegetables and grains that offer big flavor and hearty nutrition. We are committed to providing our guests with high-quality vegetarian fare and are proud to serve this locally-made, dairy, egg and gluten free veggie burger.

Thank you so much, Davee, for sampling our new Oregon Harvest Burger and for offering your valuable feedback. We hope you will be around to try our new Spicy Anasazi Bean Burger in the near future and would absolutely love to hear what you think of it. Please let me know if you have any questions and I will be glad to serve you in any way I can. I hope you have a terrific day!

Warm regards,

[redacted]
Guest Communications Coordinator
The Holland, Inc. / Burgerville

i’m tempted to pen a corresponding reply, and i’m so excited to find out how they can “serve me in any way they can”! i hope they have a terrific day too!

the best part? the email came from an email address named “Trust Us”

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